When You're Gone
by SunniDanni
Summary: A Songfic in rememberance of Nicholas D Wolfwood and a personal friend of mine.


_**This is a shorter Songfic than I usually like them, but it had all the elements I wanted.**_

This songfic is dedicated to an old family friend that passed away this morning. Have a good sleep while you await Paradise** Brother Nee Chuan.**

By the way, in case you don't know, this song is by Avril Lavigne**. Milly would sing this wouldn't she? (smiles fondly)****

* * *

**

**When You're Gone**

_I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry  
And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie  
is made up on your side  
_

Milly slowly smoothed the lumps and creases of her bed out. Her hands skimmed the surface gently, barely raising any static as she adjusted and tucked the wool blanket into the sides. The huge double bed took up just about half the room, though she'd have been satisfied with a single bed. She didn't have anyone to share the bed with anyway.

It had only been months since Nick had passed on and Milly could not imagine anyone else ever sharing her bed again. She lovingly plumped up the pillows on 'his' side and set them back down, sitting on the edge of the bed. After everything Mr. Vash had gone through and then Meryl and Vash's wedding, she hadn't had any time to actually consider that Nicholas was dead. Granted there had been that moment when the Priest during the wedding had turned to look at her.

Her heart had nearly broke when the Priest turned to her, and she saw him. Nicholas D Wolfwood. Then she blinked the tears away and there, the gnarly old man was asking her for the rings. Meryl had seen it and Vash had noticed, but neither had said anything. Not wanting to rain on their wedding, Milly smiled bravely and handed the rings to Vash with the admonishment: "You take care of Meryl now you hear Mr. Vash? Or else I'll be forced to hurt you! And you know I don't want to." Grinning painfully, she had stepped back and melted back into the background as the ceremony continued.

As soon as she could, she stole away to shed a few tears before returning to her best friend's wedding. She had avoided the Priest for the rest of the night's festivities.

_When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?_

Milly closed her eyes and lay down on 'his' side, remembering the last time she had seen him. He told her not to move from her spot and she hadn't. She wouldn't until he came back.

_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you  
_

But he never did.

_  
I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do  
Reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left  
they lie on my floor  
And they smell just like you  
I love the things that you do  
_

Milly sighed at the memory and got off the bed. She crossed around the bed and was about to leave her room when she paused. Milly didn't like being indecisive. Being indecisive on Gunsmoke got you killed.

Determined, she turned back and opened the doors of the cupboard wide. Not an easy feat when the base of the bed was against her legs and the doors just narrowly missed taking off her nose. She carefully removed the stacks of clothes she had folded and placed in the corner of the shelf, no sense in folding them all over again. She placed them on the bed, pushing them father up so she could sit on the edge of the bed to look for what she wanted.

Under her light travel clothes, her sleeping clothes and her towels, there it was.

Nicholas's belongings.

She reverently pulled the small bag out. Untying the loose knot, she pulled out his crisp white shirt. She had washed it of the blood when they had removed it from his body. She held it up to her face and took a deep breath. The smell was still there. His smell. A mix of cigarettes, alcohol, gun powder and… and children. Milly smelt his children from the orphanage.

They had found the orphans and thankfully, there had been many people looking to adopt the children, especially after Knives' killing spree. All of them had found a home. Mr. Preacher would have been so very happy.

Milly set aside the shirt, worried that she had breathed all the scent out of it. The rest of his dark blue preacher's outfit followed, and these, these sounded like him.

"_**Hey there Big Girl, don't look at me like that."**_

Milly's head whipped around.

_  
When you walk away  
__I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?  
_

He sat on the edge of his side.

"_**Hey there Big Girl, still looking as pretty as pudding are we?"**__ And he smiled and lit up a cigarette._

"Cigarettes will harm the baby darling, put it ou-" Milly caught herself.

_  
When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
And when you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
I miss you  
_

The face dissolved in the sunlight that poured in through the room's only window.

A figment of her imagination.

A longing of her heart.

_  
We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were  
Yeah Yeah  
All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I do I give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me  
Yeah  
_

Milly felt moisture on her cheek and realized that a tear had escaped. Desperately stemming the flow, she rubbed her face viciously, trying to cover up the pain in her heart with the pain of her face. Her heart constricted and Milly gasped for air as sobs broke free.

She would not cry! **"I will not cry!**" She announced to the room. "I will not cry," she said between sobs. "Because that would make Meryl sad." She hiccupped. "And that would make Mr. Vash sad too." Milly pressed her palms against her eyes, in the futile attempt to stop the flow of tears. "And most importantly, it would make Mr. Preacher sad if he knew."

The last one did the trick and her sobs tapered off slowly. She hugged the jacket to her chest and wrapped the sleeves around herself. It almost felt like, almost like, he was holding her. Just like he had that night. Milly held on tight, for fear of being lost.

After what felt like an eternity, Milly finally raised her head and held up the now crumpled and tear-stained jacket. "Oh dear, I'll need to wash this again and iron it as well." It didn't matter that he wasn't going to wear it anytime soon. She absently fingered the patches of cloth she had sewn in to the jacket to cover up the bullet holes. Meryl had given her an old dress that had a similar color and she had cut it up. Her hands moved towards the only odd colored patch.

Geranium red Mr. Vash had called it.

He had cut out a patch from his red coat and asked her to sew this patch over the hole that would have pierced his heart. The small round patch of red where Mr. Preacher's heart was.

_  
When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day  
And make it OK  
_

Finally deeming herself calm enough to go downstairs and help Meryl with breakfast, she packed Nicholas's belongings back into the bag and put it back in the cupboard. She set her clothing back in their proper place and closed the doors of the cupboard with a _whuff_.

She stood and walked to the door. She placed her hand on the doorknob to twist it and open it. She already had her 'Good-Morning-Guys!' smile on her face, though she was pretty sure Meryl would realize that it was fake. She turned back to the room one more time.

Nicholas smoked his cigarette contentedly, lounging against the headboard on his side of the bed.

"_**Have a good morning Big Girl."**_

Milly's smile turned genuine. "And you have a good morning too Mr. Preacher."

With that, she opened the door and stepped out to live life. Not just for herself, but also for Nicholas.

_I miss you_


End file.
